I often find myself whispering silently

I often find myself whispering silently, " I love you " wishing that the cruel winds of Autumn would convey these words to you. In my heart, your memories tastes of an old trauma.

I'm trying to remember how to call you mine, once again. I've spread my arms, again, to welcome sadness, in the name of love.

You told me once that I should think about myself in the first place, but how do you expect me not to think about you when you reflect in the broken pieces of me.

I'm Autumn, not because I fall everytime you leave but because I forgive you for forgetting me and allowing me to fall. I'm still holding broken pieces of myself, trying to hope that this time Autumn will be kind and would not allow me to fall.

My love, I've given to you the land of mine; my heart. But jaana, does your heart ache too with the arrival of Autumn as mine does?

-

سورۃ النساء آیت نمبر ١

اے لوگو! اپنے رب سے ڈرو جس نے تمہیں ایک جان سے پیدا کیا اور اسی جان سے اس کا جوڑا بنایا اور ان دونوں سے بہت سے مرد اور عورتیں پھیلائیں، اس اللہ سے ڈرو جس کا واسطہ دے کر تم ایک دوسرے سے اپنا حق مانگتے ہو اور رشتہ داری کے تعلقات کو بگاڑنے سے بچو، بے شک اللہ تم پر نگرانی کر رہا ہے

...!!! 💕

سورۃ النساء آیت نمبر ١

Elsewhere there are no mobile phones.

Elsewhere there are no mobile phones. Elsewhere sleep is deep and the mornings are wonderful. Elsewhere art is endless, exhibitions are free and galleries are open twenty-four hours a day. Elsewhere everybody is as welcoming as they would be if you would come home after a very long time away and they would really missed you. Elsewhere there are no religions. Elsewhere there are no borders. Elsewhere nobody is a refugee or an asylum seeker whose worth can be decided about by a government. Elsewhere nobody is something to be decided about by anybody. Elsewhere there are no preconceptions. Elsewhere all wrongs are righted. Elsewhere the supermarkets don’t own us. Elsewhere we use our hands for cups and the rivers are clean and drinkable.

Elsewhere we do time differently. Every time I travel, I head for it. Every time I come home, I look for it.

I've been reading

I've been reading "the faker you are, the bigger your circle will be" everywhere.

But isn't it something like the more good your heart is, the more helping you are, the more you love & take care of everyone, the more respectful you are, the more people can share their hearts out, the more people love spending time with you, the more bigger your circle will be and the more people would like to be friends with you?

You can never serve everyone but why'd people not like you for being nice, for having their best interest at heart?!

Just asking!

Water does not resist.

“Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does.”

An open letter to the love of my life:

An open letter to the love of my life:

**You** are my Paradise,

Because you make me feel alive,

There are many reasons that I can concise,

To tell you that my love is not fragile,

You are the story I want to write,

That gives your heart a little more delight,

Just after a little span of time, I realize,

My love has grown and is much intensifies,

For me, you are my heart's pride,

I will carry you, and we will make it to the skies,

Can I ask you a favor that is wise?

Can I have you for the rest of my life?

-From a girl who'll love you like no one can ever love and no one ever will.

"AUTUMN"

Walking on a lane covered with burnt-orange leaves,⠀⠀⠀

Looking high up to see the bare branches on trees. ⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀

The autumn leaves make a rustle when stepped on. ⠀⠀⠀⠀

The chirping bird sings a meloncholic song. ⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀

The vibe of autumn may seem grievous and bland, ⠀⠀⠀

But, this saddening spell is the spring's melody;⠀⠀

Fall turns the oak trees gold by its magic-wand. ⠀⠀

⠀⠀

The hazel leaves of maple resemble a clover leaf;⠀⠀

A sign of good luck, a sign of arriving spring. ⠀⠀

After the stay of autumn; so brief.⠀⠀

⠀⠀

The leaves end their lives and dropout,⠀⠀

Giving new buds a chance to sprout! ⠀⠀

⠀⠀

Fall is the prelude of revival and rebirth,⠀⠀

Misty, gloomy days are proceeded by mirth.⠀

As I aimlessly dwell into contemplating

As I aimlessly dwell into contemplating, thoughts harassing, clouding and flooding the capacity of brain. As I muse on the verse ‘If it’s yours it will come back to you’, consoling the lovers and hopeless. I morosely cast aspersions on, will you really come back to me, do I really just let you roam, do I not care about how you’re doing the days, do I not thrive to get you, do I not endure for you, do I not suffer for you, will you still come back if I don’t yearn for you, will you still come back If I don’t fight for you, will you still come back if I don’t athirst for you. If you will, I will let you roam, I will let you indulge in the vices of your pleasure, I will let you wander through the naked streams, I will let you see the brim of the day alone, I will let you advance beyond the boundaries of decorum, for after all if you’re mine you’ll come back to me.

Then I am stricken by the contradiction that says ‘Fight for what you love’ this kindles the fire in me to go ruthless, rough and fierce. This incites the courageousness in me and rave my ownership of you, for I love you, for my heart calls you mine. For I am told fortune and love favours the brave, for if I don’t rage my life at stake for you, I don’t really deserve you. For I should do any thing and everything for you, go above and beyond the call of duty, for you.

Yet, I am scared stiff, my beloved. I am afraid for I will fight for you till the end of time, until this blood and your name runs through my veins, I am serene as I empty, deplete and drain myself for you. I am thankful to the stars as I stand vulnerable against the hostile shackles of the ocean in search of you, you and only you. I am still afraid in my ardour beloved, If destiny deprives me of you, for after all the swords I cross for you If I get told ‘it wasn’t meant for you’.

Knowing the truth and still acting

Knowing the truth and still acting like an idiot just to ignore the drama and fake reasons to cover the lie?

People may call you an idiot some may even call you that you’re weak even your close ones but you’re the strongest one yeah maybe idiot with strong intellect!

If saving your relation with someone makes you an idiot so be a proud one because people need a reason to leave even they tried to hurt your feelings for fun!

Be the person who can proudly say that I was not the one to end it, I was the one who saved it or at least tried to save it but if the things doesn’t work then don’t destroy your mental health don’t hate yourself for being too kind to someone who only need you when there’s no one! You should be your only priority because in the end of the day you have to teach your heart that nothing is permanent not even you. The only thing which is permanent is a small act of kindness for which you’ll be remembered for long time.

Dear inconsiderate preachers,

You see me as a 15 year old, you cannot seem to see beyond. There's a melancholy so deeply engraved, it feels like 50 years of age. You say it is just anxiety pangs and disregard me from naming my depressing days as depression. You say i am just sad and not depressed.

No tragedy, no trajectory. It is indeed surprising how i hugged this unhealthy mystery. It is not an insomnia, i just cannot wake myself up from an already on-going sleep. My reveries at my peak. There is a lot of crying, a pool of my whines and an exasperating delay. I have found my new home in procrastination.

No, i have not had any break ups, any family feuds or any grudges to cling onto. It is not a trauma i am going through. I have got friends but a social anxiety. I have my high days but an anxiety. Tears pour down my pillow like a rain, i have been waiting to wash my hands with. I look at my palms and wonder: 'is it what is written in there, now?' I have got to hurry, i got to catch up. I feel like everybody around me is going to leave me behind. I feel so embarrassed of my situation, i cannot even seem to properly comprehend my exasperation. I have got so much to think, so much to feel. Yet, all i can feel is numb. Yet, you take me lightly and say it is not depression?

I just sit down and wonder. Everything that i see around me seems to horrify me. There's always an awkwardness around of me . An awe i do not want to succumb to. My chest feels so heavy i feel like someone is stabbing me. Yet, when i wound my wrist, the cut doesn't hurt me. I become incapable of feeling the pain, yet there is an on going pain i feel in my heart of the hearts; in my mind. I seem to carry it inside. This situation is so contradictory. Yet you say i could be delusional because how can a 15 year old have depression?

Nothing hurts me more than when you say how can teenagers be depressed, they do not seem to even know the meaning of it. They're just sad.

|| 🌹