Feeling a little 'blue' today...

Do you ever feel like we're not supposed to admit to that?

Like we are supposed to always wear this "happy mask?"

Not ever show vulnerability or weakness or pain?

Or a faith that wanes.. even, ever-so-slightly?

I know I have felt that way many times...

Put a smile on.. don't let anyone see your 

bruised heart, or weary soul.

I think it is a huge disservice to everyone

to act like life is always good and easy and perfect..

Life is not always any of those things.

Life is sometimes messy and ugly and hard.

And unfair.

But ~

It is definitely okay to admit that.

We are just imperfect souls trying to live in an imperfect world.

Things go wrong sometimes...

But isn't it nice to know that it's okay to say it out loud?

"I am having a hard day" or "I am sad" or "I feel overwhelmed";

"I feel lost"; "I don't know how to fix this"; "I need help"; "I need your prayers."

Someone told me once that it was wrong to verbalize these feelings.

They said it was complaining and complaining is a sin.

Do. Not. Agree.

Complaining is a lack of thankfulness. Thanklessness is sinful.

Expressing that you "feel blue" is admitting that 

you do not have every situation under your control. ~

It is admitting you need the encouragement of your spouse or friends.

It is admitting you need to lean on God.

You need wrapping up in your Papa's everlasting arms.

How would anyone else have the courage to ask for help

or seek an understanding heart, a listening ear, a strong shoulder...

Or seek God.

How would anyone have the courage to ask for prayer.

If no one ever let their mask slip down.

When we hide our faces behind the façade of

a perfect and beautiful mask ~

Do we not deny God's power to work in our life

and the lives of others?

God help us to have the courage to be real.

She didn't know which direction she was going in, or where to turn.

"She didn't know which direction she was going in, or where to turn. All she knew was she needed to be near him. Yes, need. 

Not, want. There's a difference. A 'Want' is something you desire and crave to have.  A 'Need' is something you view essential and important, maybe even for your survival or inner peace. She NEEDED to be near him. He was her peace to her turmoil, her calmness to her storms, her quiet to her loudness, her safety and security... to her unpredictable, treacherous emotions and thoughts whirling inside of her. He was her steady within her chaos.

 When she was with him, everything drifted away like a fog dissipating over a lake slowly in the late morning. He was her home. Her other half. He felt something was wrong even when he wasn't with her. What a connection they have. Unlike any other she ever experienced. He was also her romance and passion she found in no other. He took rise to something primal and deep awakenings inside her. He fed her Victor Hugo and Fitzgerald during the day, then Hemmingway and Poe at night. He showed her his darkness like no other, and she showed him- hers. He saw the raw open side of her she never showed anyone.

 And for once, she was totally comfortable with that. He's still the only one that gets to see all the sides of her. And vice versa. So two worlds collided that may never have been meant to be, but fit perfectly within their puzzle pieces interlocking so tightly, their bond was unbreakable. This wasn't any ordinary love by all means. This is a love that could start wars with what they feel for each other, and constellations being named by the Gods to keep them eternal."

Maybe she was waiting to be found. Not in a physical sense. In a more essence sense

"Maybe she was waiting to be found. Not in a physical sense. In a more essence sense. Spiritual sense. Almost cosmic. She wanted to be found for who she really was. She wanted someone to see through through facade she gives everyone. To see how she's really feeling and thinking. She could be all smiles, laughs, and her outgoing, friendly, bubbly self. But lift that linen sheet off. You know the one. The one with eyelet lace on the edges. 

White, but a little ivory in some spots from discoloration from the sun. Lift that off, and you'll see the broken sad girl she is. Trying hard to smile, be kinder, and make people laugh so they don't feel how she feels. If she can make someone's day a little brighter, that's better than how she feels. 

She didn't ask for all the trauma. She never wanted the losses that cut deep. But they happened. And they changed her as a person. You'd never know it though, or realize it. But he does. Oh, he does. He sees through it all. He sees she's trying too hard. Too hard to be normal, trying hard so people don't view her as a burden. Trying hard to be the best at her job working with children.

 Going above and beyond the norm. Trying hard at home, keeping up with the house, kids, daily routines. She does it like a pro. Managing everything like a tailored CEO. You would never expect anything was wrong. Well, that's not true. Maybe you'd notice something slightly. Like a hint that something is off. You would never think under that 'have it all together' exterior, that there's this person crying and silently screaming from heartbreak. Drowning in her own abyss. As I said, he knows. He sees through what she's doing. He knows her too well. Her looks, her breathing, her gestures, the words she chooses. He can just tell. He's the only one she can be real with. Her ultimate real true self. She doesn't hide anything from him. She can try, especially when she knows he's having a busy day and she doesn't want to add more stress to his day, but he knows. He can just feel it. 

And he doesn't want her to hold anything back. He's there for it all. The good, the bad, the ugly. All of it. Isn't that what real deep love is? That type of love that says....'Come to me as broken and raw as you are. Give me your light and dark. Give me your happy, loving, comical self, BUT don't forget to show me your depression, anxiety, and longing for your normal self back. 

Your other girl lost. Show me that too. Don't just show me the good. I need to see everything. Be there for it all. Be there for you in all these versions of yourself. The highs and the lows. And I will be the one picking you up, supporting you, and holding you so you feel loved and safe. I'll lead you to the bed, where you just lay in my arms as I hold you tight, and you cry silently over God knows what, you may not even know, and you don't have to even tell me. But I'll hold you tight until you're not tense anymore, and go limp in my arms, letting it all slip away. Because you're safe. Safe with me here. Safe to be your true self you keep hidden away from the world, and try not to let anyone see. But you can be free with me. Because I love you that deeply. 

Now and always'. And he did. Truly he did. And she felt all of that from him. He didn't even have to say those words. She just felt it within.  Like a passing vibration from his soul to hers, from his mind to hers. So you see....she didn't need to be fixed. She needed to be loved for exactly who she is right now".

زندگی درد کی قباؤں میں گزر جاتی ہے

‏"_ زندگی درد کی قباؤں میں گزر جاتی ہے 

بعد مرنے کے یہاں تاج محل بنتے ہیں.._"

Self Realization :-

Few years ago,I've witnessed death of a closed one.Since then,I connected myself spiritually to Allah.I was the one who'd loved listening to loud music all the time and going to college concert with friends years ago.Few days back while I was there in foodfestival, I saw people around me going Crazy in the concert crowd,dancing on those beats,I felt how shaky our emaan is.

I just wanted to run from there.I was worried about my namaz.I want you all to look within yourself.Self Realization is the first step.Imgine young people keep on missing Namaz and stay there till midnight enjoying food n concert in these food festivals what if anyone dies there, how shameful it would be to be presented to God when his last moments were not the moments of saying kalma or shadah but his tongue was uttering those useless lyrics. How grave will welcome us if we die in such condition. Have you ever imagined? What would Allah thinks that the person has forgotten me and he has gone mad over the temporary world which he'll leave one day.Be a learner and say Istighfar for all those small sin.

Whoever goes there for food festival will be attracted towards that concert.You might say that this is just few hours of enjoyment and that's it.But for me these things are beyond our thinking. I know the plots of shaitan; with the passage of time everyone can now attend such concerts and there's always a huge crowd..Remember the greater fitnah comes after the smaller ones. Imagine how horrible our future would be if we kept ignoring small sins.

There's always a war withinn myself too.Its very difficult to keep our faith firm when social media limelight and the judgemental people opinion around makes the emaan shaky.We should try to take small steps towards Allah and set our priorities clear.

Friendship is such a beautiful yet bizarre thing

Friendship is such a beautiful yet bizarre thing.  In life, we make thousands of acquaintances among which the tiny little fraction is what we call our friends. 

If I've understood one thing about friendship so far, it's that it's not a business. We don't do things for friends expecting they would do the same in return. We do them because we want to. We want to because we are confident enough that the person on the other side deserves it. We trust them. We know, if someday we need them, they would be there putting their everything into it.  

However, once that trust is broken, it can't be revived. Betrayal rips our heart apart. After that, our capability to trust is lost. T.S. Eliot once  wrote, 'Unreal friendship may turn to real, but real friendship, once ended, cannot be mended.'

Sometimes even you don't know the reason behind your own unhappiness

Sometimes even you don't know the reason behind your own unhappiness, your own salty ocean of tears that suddenly start flowing without informing or asking just like an unwelcome guest, your decreasing level of serotonine, your unintentional changed behaviour, your lack of energy even though you are physically fit but you feel like there's something missing from inside. 

Seems relatable? If you can relate then congratulations you have all the symptoms of not being a mental case but a human being. We can have days full of festivities and sorrows. Even we can have days when everything seems perfect but still we feel that something is wrong. 

When these feelings of uncertainty hit you then instead of getting yourself used to with that numb soul try to find what exactly is the thing that is bothering you, where exactly you have gone wrong. Is your connection with your creator good enough? Or it's just like a last leaf left waiting for sudden cool breeze to vanish its existence? Or it's like a blooming flower that needs constant watering? Are you watering your flower of faith? Or are you procrastinating your care for it?

After finding your answer don't sit cuz it's your first accomplishment towards peace. Now work harder and harder to make your connection and faith in Almighty more and more ginormous. 

This is the way to eternal peace! 

Childhood had so many privileges!

Childhood had so many privileges!

All your obstinacies were granted.

You could ride your father's shoulder all the way to the fair and be loved for it.

Those were happy days.

Have another happy day 😊😀💕

میں اس کوشش اور جدوجہد میں لگی رہتی ہوں کہ میں گناہوں سے آلودہ نہ ہوجاؤ

‏وإنِّي أجَاهِدُ ياألله كي لا أتلوث ، أحَاوِل أن أكُون في صفوف الصالحين" فأعِنّي

  اے اللہ!!

میں اس کوشش اور جدوجہد میں لگی رہتی ہوں کہ میں گناہوں سے آلودہ نہ ہوجاؤ ----- اور میں چاہتی ہوں کہ میں صالحین کی صفوں میں شامل ہوجاؤں --- پس اس پر میری مدد فرما .     آمین یا ارحم الراحمين❤

Hey listen! Don't you think you've changed? I mean you used to be much more fun loving. What happened now? Don't you miss you?

Hey listen! Don't you think you've changed? I mean you used to be much more fun loving. What happened now? Don't you miss you?

 

The sudden voice hit her. She didn't want to answer cuz she was hella tired of explaining herself. But the echo of that sound was tearing her soul apart.  She screamed in anguish and said  "YES I've CHANGED FOR MY OWN PRECIOUS SELF"  She took a sigh and burst into tears. Nothing new that salty waterfall was just like a true friend of her.  You know what, why I've changed myself?  She questioned in a shivering voice. 

I changed myself when I've come to know that I will never be able to fullfil others expectations at the cost of my self denial. I changed myself when I've come to know that my realism is not worthful in the eyes of those for whom I was trying to burn down even my realism into ashes of nothingness. I changed myself when I've come to know that only my particular side is loved by those whom I loved wholly. I changed myself when I've come to know that I can't heal someone when I am bleeding from inside. 

Yes you are right, I've changed and I do miss me. I miss the ones associated with the old me that are still in my life but I am unable to find them in my little world of realism. I admit that I was more fun loving but you can't even imagine the peace I have in my life now. You can't imagine the fun I have in my life now cuz you only see a particular side of me. You can't see the real me enjoying my life cuz may be the things that I love doing are the things that you don't even consider. You can't imagine anything about me cuz  "YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL". She screamed in a firm voice. 

She was breathing heavily. Her body was shaking vigorously. She was waiting for that sound to respond to her. She opened her stiffly closed eyes steadily. 

There was nobody there!